MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?

Happy Anniversary, Mr. President!

Over five years, and an anticipated cost approaching three trillion dollars (that's $3,000,000,000,000.00, at the approximate rate of $12 billion dollars per month currently being pissed away in Iraq alone (factoring in Afghanistan will add another $4 billion per month to the burden), and as of today 4,374 members of the "coalition of the willing" dead, including more than 4,060 Americans and at least an additional 30,000 injured, The War On Terror plods nightmarishly on. Iraqi civilians killed in our glorious crusade to bring democracy to the freedom loving people of Iraq at gunpoint are only "estimated" (because they don't really matter), lowballed at between 83,000 and 90,000 more dead men, women, and children, while some sources peg the total closer to an astronomical 1,200,000 souls.

But wait, wasn't the mission "accomplished?"

Now the story is that the "Mission Accomplished" banner was something that was never properly put in context. See, that was supposed to only apply to the brave sailors stationed off the coast of Iraq, in the Persian Gulf, on the U.S.S. Lincoln. And now, we're finally hearing the true story: that was all their idea, and the seamen put it up. Shame on them, putting poor President Bush in an awkward position like that! And since then, many of those same swabbies have been assigned back there on their third and fourth tours of duty, so maybe that wasn't entirely (or for that matter, remotely) accurate, either. Well, serves 'em right, says Oberfuehrer Dick Cheney, who recently quipped to newsmen "they volunteered."

So, what about the speech that day?

A masterpiece of Bushisms. Hit all the buzz words. Mom, Apple Pie, God, and country. Not a dry eye in the place. President Bush, looking buff and spiffy in his flight suit, (as Chris Matthews looked on, dreamy-eyed and ejaculating over how America wants a tough, manly President!) landing in a vain, triumphant gesture of unabashed grandiose, romanticized chivalry, the likes of which had not been seen since the days of King Arthur and Camelot, said "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the Battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed. And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that country." He later added, "The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on September 11, 2001, and still goes on."

But that's got nothing to do with what was going on in the Persian Gulf, does it?

Well, no. But Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with the attacks on September 11th, either. And attacking Iraq never had anything to do with them really being a clear and present danger to the the US, or having any weapons of mass destruction.

And, for that matter, wasn't the oil from Iraq going to pay for all the rebuilding?

Right. Thought so. Didn't happen. In fact, the US has been hemorrhaging cash since this whole debacle began. And it's finally catching up to us. We're in a recession- wait, that is, I mean a slowdown, er- uh, a timeout? Can't we just call this "the pause that refreshes?"

And Wall Street was disappointed today that Exxon didn't record record earnings AGAIN last quarter, so the Dow only went up 189 points today. As crude oil hit $112 a barrel, more than three times what it was when we invaded. But hey- greed is good, isn't that still the mantra? If it's good for business, it's good for America. Even if everything from food to movies, education and insurance costs more than ever. Tell it to the people getting foreclosed on, the families of the kids returning to the US in bodybags, the 250,000 more schnooks put out of work just since the beginning of 2008, and of course, lest we forget- the beneficiaries of our diplomatic largesse, the freedom- loving Iraqi people.

I'm sure both of them would vote for John McCain and another 100 years of American occupation, if only they could read.

And Nero fiddled as Rome burned...