Wednesday, November 12, 2008

If your election last longer than four hours, call a doctor

America's Finest Hour (not available on Fox)

Well, if you weren't doing time last month, you probably saw us call it- again. Landslide. Repudiation. The end of an error. THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. In a voice that cannot be denied. Yes, we can; yes, we did; and yes, we will. Emphatically. It seemed as if the whole world breathed a sigh of relief, the outpouring of approval and sincere good wishes from around the world was palpable. Like throwing off a weight, or a yoke. Not only that, but it seemed to kickstart the beginning of the end of eight long, ugly years almost immediately, with people waking up to a world of possibilities when a few hours before, there was only dread and fear.

And although January 20th still seems like an eternity away, the misleaders who have done their utmost to defy the will of the people and openly thwart our intentions by every means at their disposal have apparently accepted the inevitable and appear to be content to slink quietly out the door so the wheels of progress can begin turning again. It reminds me of when Rumsfeld was thrown under the bus the day after the disastrous 2006 elections. Or Brownie. Or Gonzo. Or Ridge. Or....Just another long and poorly written chapter in this epoch of failure.

Subtle, Mr. President Elect. Subtle.

But believe it or not, I have come not to bury Still President Bush, but to thank him, and his party. For they went to such extreme lengths as to terrify all but the most diehard Kool Aid drinkers, and prove beyond a doubt that the conservative values and promises they claimed to represent had been abandoned long ago. Their mad dash for money and power has finally come home to roost, and the emperor and his court stand exposed by their arrogance and ambition. Using fearmongering and negative tactics, they were willing to stop at nothing to continue marching this country straight off a cliff. I only hope we managed to put the brakes on in time.

But out of this, somehow, a weird coalition was created. Certainly, the Democrats were united, energized and organized in a way that they hadn't managed to pull off since JFK made Nixon a punchline in 1960.

Blue collar workers, students, academics, actors, musicians, vocal Alaskan housewives and even proud "Rednecks for Obama" who stood up to be counted, negating the much feared "Bradley effect" that neocon pundits hyped and hoped in a vain effort to defeat this amazing rainbow coalition. But all for naught. The fear and hatred, innuendo and dirty tricks, the shrill and increasingly irrational calls for investigations of his birth certificate, contributors, and religious beliefs ended disastrously for the old guard.

McCain: Returning to his senses, and showing the leadership we remember

To his credit, John McCain's early and gracious concession speech (and subsequent pledges of cooperation and loyalty to the President Elect) certainly seemed sincere. McCain, after consorting with the same heinous ward healers who used slander, robocalls, and racism to get George Bush the Republican nomination in 2000 over the party's 2008 candidate, seemed to find his way back to the high road he'd once aspired to, after seeing his fever dream of residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW elude him for perhaps the final time. In recent days, McCain has even further distanced himself from his running mate and free wheeling rogue shopper, Sarah Palin, signaling that maybe her selection was never his choice, that it was not a wise one, and that he really didn't think she was right for the job all along. Asked point blank, he refused to give her his endorsement for 2012, although she's done her best to keep in the public eye and continue to stir the roiling emotions of hate and distrust of the intransigent 28%, and vow to attack, filibuster and spread every unsupported rumor and innuendo, and keep bitterly pulling our country apart for the privilege of being able to say "there, I told ya so" rather than accept and work with "That One." We sincerely hope Ms. Palin will be back in the igloo soon, making mooseburger sloppy joes for Trig, Track, Willow, Piper, Pooper, Slapshot and her fast approaching grandchild, little Puck. They need you a lot more than Alaska, or America does.

Strangely, even Bush has been uncharacteristically conciliatory and has met with the President Elect, even brokering a meeting with all living ex-Presidents (including Carter, Clinton and of course, his Dad) at the White House on January 7th. Perhaps he seeks to make that legacy- his place in history and not eternal infamy- one of the guy born on third base who recognized that it took a real clutch hitter to bring it on home. But before we go throwing bouquets to the lamest of lame ducks, I offer a word of caution to Mr. Obama: bring someone (perhaps Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is free?) to sample the menu that day (after all, we know how much GWB admires his good buddy Putin!), and wear something that's appropriately presidential, like a nice three-button kevlar suit. Dick Cheney may be hunting quail in the Rose Garden.

Mr. Still President: "Clearing brush is a lot tougher than you'd imagine."

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